apparently the secret to your success is patron
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
