TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
