so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
