Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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