honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
