She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
