I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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