Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
