I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
