Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
