going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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