The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
