ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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