State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize