He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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