Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
