if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize