The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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