I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize