dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
