I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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