It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
