Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Fuck appropriateness.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
