Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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