Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
