Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
