how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
