If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
