U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
