So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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