i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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