I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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