I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
