Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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