Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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