watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize