so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
