Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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