Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
