Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Randomize