Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
