i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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