you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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