she woke up with a sticky ear
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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