my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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