I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
