i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Randomize
