i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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