He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
