I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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