nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
