Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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