Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
