I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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