Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
