i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
