dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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