no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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