): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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