if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
