How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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