Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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