Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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