i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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