We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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