Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
