btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
