I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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