I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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