and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
