This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
