If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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