You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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