Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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