do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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