I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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