I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
