And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
