Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
