I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
