I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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