Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
