He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
