I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
