The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
