my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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