can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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