I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
