Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
