it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
