it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
