yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
