Nicole vs. Life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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