upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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