I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
