Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
