i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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