seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The air was thick with penises
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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