Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
