We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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