cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
