can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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