Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
