Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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