Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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