He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
