Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
