how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
