By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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