Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
